What a muthaflippin’ Croc of *$@%

I’m going AWOL a bit. My dear computer is being sent for repairs because my screen has detached its retina, so to speak (thanks to my Dad for the lovely metaphor), with more than a little help from me.

In the meantime, I’m going to leave you with a little contest. Yes, I know my previous contest winners haven’t received their prizes yet, but there was a postal strike, and I’m feverishly preparing for all of the July birthdays, it’ll all go out by then end of the month.

The story is as follows: I have a pair of beloved Crocs that my mom gave me about 2.5 years ago, in sage green. They are incredibly comfy, and I use them a lot. Tal, who is totally spartan about shopping and will buy himself one pair of shoes about every 10 years, keeps borrowing my Crocs for garden work, taking out the trash, and the like, but has always been adamantly opposed to me buying him a pair of his own, not even cheap knockoffs.

Yesterday, I went out to the garden to clean up the porch so we could eat dinner there, and when I tried to put on my Crocs, I discovered to my immense surprise that they had shrunk. They don’t fit me any more. They should be perfect for Tal, BTW. So I notified him that he is now the proud owner of his very own pair of Crocs, and I no longer feel guilty about the yellow pair I bought myself as a birthday gift.

So, no real harm done, and since thinking about this contest I learned the real explanation for what happened, so everything is good. But just to make me feel loved and cared for, here’s the contest anyway: Explain what happened to my Crocs. It doesn’t have to be factual. If your explanation has any measure of creativity in it, you will be entered to draw some sock yarn hand-dyed by me. If you don’t know how to make socks, say so, and we’ll figure out how to get over it.

The contest will end abruptly as soon as I get my computer back, but that could be up to three weeks. Every entry counts, so the more theories you come up with, the higher your chance of winning.

I’ll be seeing you…



Filed under Random Ranting

27 responses to “What a muthaflippin’ Croc of *$@%

  1. I know exactly what happened. Please let me spin you a tale.

    The crocks were crying, because it was raining outside, and the umbrella made them smile because they could shield the from the rain. The crocks, and the umbrella made fast friends, and decided to go & try to capture the illusive fire breathing dragon, but got captured by a wild band of gypsies instead!

    the crocks and the umbrella were immediately carried to the gypsy queen that proclaimed them the most bizarre and bejeweled friends she had ever encountered & ordered a feast of stuffed buffalo and blue rhino be prepared for the lovely pair.

    spider monkey paul was jealous and decided to play a mean trick on umbrella and crocks. He decided to put a dead mouse in crock whilst the crocks were sleeping, to where when the queen picked them up, she would reach in & get a stinky mouse instead!

    the queen picked the crocks up & sure enough threw them across the room when finding the dead mouse.

    she forced the crocks and the umbrella to come back home & hide until they were shamed no more.

    Kimberly Storey
    aka Castrated Bean on Raverly

  2. How about this: Tal was trying to be soooo considerate that he threw them in the washing machine and dryer? And, incredibly, there they shrank.

    Or, they’d gotten so dirty that he threw them in the trash compacter, so that he’d have an excuse to buy a new pair. They got compacted. And then a little mousey came along and took them out!

    By the way, I’ve posted about your contest on WiKnit, my knitting contest blog. Hope you get some good stories!

  3. While sitting outside, a small garden gnome found the Croc’s and mezmorized by the beautiful sage color, continually rubbed them in the hope of shrinking them to fit his own tiny feet.

    Unfortunatly, even with the assistance of *sun* and *heat* and the bits of roving he used to polish them, the humans returned before he was finshed.

    He is still lurking out in the garden, waiting for another opportunity to shrink them a little more….
    beware the croc-coveting garden gnome

  4. KJo

    Theory 1:

    Tal hired a band of outlaw fairy-gnomes to use their wands to shrink your beloved green crocs to fit his feet and not yours. A devious plot indeed.

    Sherlock KJo was on the case!
    (KJo on Ravelry Thanks for holding a contest! Hope your computer survives the surgery! lol)

  5. blogless in NJ

    OK – so I’ve figured it out. Really.

    It’s been dry – very dry (well maybe not where you live, but we’re using our imaginations). The Crocs are made of a rubber-like substance and since rubber comes from trees, and is made from the sap-like substance of the tree, some of the moisture in the Croc-tops evaporated leaving it smaller-sized. Absolutely crystal clear explanation, right?

  6. KJo

    Scientific Theory 2:

    Your green crocs were left out in the rain and shrank. Sad. But could happen!


  7. KJo

    Theory 3:

    Tal accidentally lost your real sage green crocs and went to buy you another pair. But not being able to remember what size to get, got some that fit his feet since he had been borrowing your crocs and they seemed to fit just fine.

    (I know lots of theories. But you said I could come up with as many as I wanted too… So I blame you sort of….)

  8. That is too weird. Ok, factual…they must have gotten wet a few times too many on Tals feet and proceeded to dry on him…eventually resizing. Or, your feet were just swollen the day you tried them on. ?? lol, an idea!

    not factual, the crocs rebelled against whatever activities you were involving them in and veto-ed your feet. Or T actually bought himself a pair in his size, switched them out so you wouldn’t know (and yours are buried pushing up daisies somewhere) but now he knows you can’t give him grief for having shopped for his shoes! I have never heard of them resizing on someone, just eating socks!

  9. You had a pair of sage green Crocs,
    They fit you really well.
    You loved the way the looked and felt,
    They really were quite swell.

    Tal would wear them now and then,
    They weren’t really his size,
    He didn’t think that they’d be cool to own,
    He’s young – so not yet wise.

    You really wanted a yellow pair,
    But couldn’t justify the cost,
    But if the sage green ones couldn’t be used,
    Either because of fit or lost.

    You then would need a brand new pair,
    Which you secretly yearned,
    So Tal, the sweetheart, shrunk them down,
    Which is better than if they’d been burned!

    So now you have your new yellow pair.
    And the old ones fit Tal just fine.
    He’s just doing his part to conserve and reuse,
    I’m glad he didn’t lust after mine!

  10. The Crocs have secretly fallen in love with Tal and broke up with you in the only fashion they have: a foot strike. They reshaped themselves to be the perfect shoe for Tal, thereby rejecting you and your feet. You know how these things go, first it was the thrill of something new every time Tal slipped them on to take out the trash, soon they were looking forward to gardening work more than was necessary and when they felt they could no longer take the torture of splitting their devotion between you and Tal they decided it was time to make a decision. Sadly, that decision was in favor of Tal.

    It could happen to anyone really, and there are other Crocs in the sea. You’ve already moved on anyways with those sassy yellow ones you picked up.

    I’m sure some day they’ll regret their decision to leave you, it may be the honeymoon period now but when Tal brings home a case of athletes foot, or slips in dog poo I’m sure they’ll be longing for you once again.

  11. phrodeo

    Nice reference to Flight of the Conchords, yo.

    So, to the Crocs – my theory is, a band of angry crocodiles have been wandering to and fro, angering croc wearers everywhere by chewing around the outsides of crocs to make them smaller and thus unwearable by the owners.

    Crocs have become jealous of crocs becoming more popular than they, so Crocs are damaging crocs at an alarming rate. The only way to ward off this predatory gang is to sprinkle your crocs with nutmeg; they hate the stuff.

  12. I’m sorry – but you are all wrong. Crocs are water living animals – you know, crocodiles and alligators! And you havent allowed your Crocs enough time to vege out in the water – so they just basically dried up and started shriveling in size…so make sure you water your new crocs occasionally!

  13. KJo

    Theory 4: (I know I got it this time!)

    The crocs were unknowingly sitting on an ant hill. (And since an ant can lift 50 times it’s own weight) The ants moved the croc off their hill and proceeded to shave off layer upon layer of croc and take them into their hill to be eaten or used as construction pieces. Until the crocs were found, moved and discovered they had shrunk!


  14. I’m nowhere near that creative. I imagined they got wet, got left in the sun and shrank?

  15. Ooh, ooh, ooh, I got it–Tal went out and found a new pair, not quite the right size but almost, you found them and thought they were yours and put them on, but of course they weren’t yours so they didn’t fit.

  16. One more–they shrank in the rain. Just like all those poor sheep which shrink in the rain when they don’t get herded in to the shed, right? Well sweaters felt and shrink in the wash so obviously sheep and by extension crocs do too.
    Okay, yes, I do know how to actually felt or full fiber and fabric. Never put your sheep in the wash with agitation, temperature changes, or pH changes.

  17. Jersey Jessie

    A Croc is, by nature, a very sweet-natured animal. Few people know that. There was a popular song – “Never Smile at a Crocodile” which had lines like “Don’t be taken in by his welcome grin,
    He’s imagining how well you’d fit within his skin”. Well that is true enough, but not in the way it sounds. The song makes it sound like crocs (or Crocs) are just lurking around waiting to eat you. Not so – they just wait to accommodate. So as a crocologist, I can assert that when the Crocs saw how much Tal secretly lusted after them, but didn’t want to admit it, the Crocs just did what Croc’s do and imagined how good Tal would fit within his skin and accommodated by molding to Tal’s feet. You, the Croc’s figured, would look far better in a different color and so there you have it!

  18. Kjo’s theory #2 & 3 were all I could come up with!

    Let’s see… I think Tal really wants the crocs for himself so he bought a pair in a smaller size so that you would think that yours didn’t fit anymore and go buy a new pair. Then he could keep the original, broken in, comfy Sage Greens for himself and return the imposters!

  19. Haha…I like KJo’s theory #3 the best so far!

    Mine is that your pretty sage green crocs have been feeling cast off (seeing as how they’ve been getting more action from Tal than you), and have thus decided to rebel against you by morphing themselves into their true size – HIS!

  20. Jenny

    Were you ever a Brownie? Brownies are magical creatures that slip into the house early in the morning before anyone has awakened. There are many stories about the Brownies helping harried homemakers keep their house from falling apart, and Girl Scouts have even named their first through third graders after the Brownies.

    There are many Brownie stories that take place at a cobbler’s home, and you’ve probably . The cobbler and his wife were going to lose their livelihood because nobody was buying their shoes. One morning, the cobbler came down to find that a pair of shoes that he was in the middle of making had been finished overnight! He put them in the window, and a woman passing by saw them in the window and had to stop by. She bought a pair of shoes and told all her friends about it.

    The cobbler immediately started a new pair of shoes, but he did eventually need to sleep, and when he awoke, this pair had been finished, too. This occurred on a regular basis, and his business picked up and he and his wife didn’t end up on the streets.

    The Brownies’ assistance to the cobblers leads me to believe that they’ve got some definite shoe-training. Now, as everybody knows, nobody is perfect! I’m willing to bet that some Brownies were working on your shoes, helping keep the crocs in shape (after all, they were getting additional wear what with two people wearing them). We all know how easy it is to snip a bit of something, and then keep making it a little smaller as we try to fix it. That’s probably what happened to your crocs, too.

    Don’t hate the Brownies. They’re lovely creatures (and some of them sell delightful cookies). Just remember that it’s the thought that counts!

  21. Wait, we’re knitters, right. So you were wearing socks this time because you just knit some wonderful bamboo socks (I know, it’s like 43*C right now) and had to wear them right away. Normally you wear your crocs barefoot, but you didn’t want to take the socks off because you were so overcome with the beauty which is your handknitting!

  22. I honestly wouldn’t believe that crocs could truly shrink, but I think that they did what crocs do- went for a swim in a river and then decided to sun themselves on a rock (cold blooded, see?)- but they didn’t realize they’d shrink too!

  23. Tal had seen you eyeing those yellow crocs. And of course, he was crazy about your green ones. So he decided to do you both a favor.
    One fateful day he happened to look at the clock at 11:11, so he decided to make a wish.
    “Oh, I wish those green crocs were JUST my size. Then I’d go buy Mother that yellow pair she’s been eyeing, and Mother and Father would look SO cute in their coordinating crocs.”
    The croc fairies, living in the swamp just happened to hear his wish, and that night.. when all the family was asleep, they came. And they took those green crocs, and they sprinkled some of their shrinking dust on them, and they shrunk them down to juuuust the right size.

    BTW.. Check out my blog at mickettymack.blogspot.com to see what happens when the shrinking fairies can only find ONE of your crocs.

  24. I’m guess it had something to do with a Willy Wonka-style TV shrinkinator. Rick Moranis has been perfecting this technology as well. 🙂
    aka Needlegrrl on Ravelry

  25. Kristen

    Here’s my theory. While walking through the garden, you stepped very close to a hidden rabbit hole. Alice’s rabbit hole. After Alice’s adventures on the other side, she came through with a little leftover bit of the DRINK ME potion that shrunk her. While climbing out of the rabbit hole, the vial slipped out of her apron pocket and spilled on the ground. You must have stepped in a few drops of it! It wasn’t much, but just enough to shrink your crocs down a little bit.

  26. Let’s see, in reality the crocs can’t shrink so Tal must have replaced them with a smaller size. Why he had to replace them will be one of those never answered questions, unless Tal wants to fess up and tell you.
    I have 4 pair of fake crocs and I wear nothing on my feet but them. I love them. don’t know what Im gonna do when it gets cold. guess I will just have to knit myself a nice warm pair of socks!!

  27. Why, the Brothers Grimm’s naked, shoemaking elves have visited your house! But they couldn’t get the size right this time, because they’re used to working with leather. ; )

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